Fact or fiction, Turning Ex-girlfriends into Lesbians

Come on now! This is an illusion. If the ex-girlfriend you dumped has begun dating women since your split, then you were dating a bisexual, or lesbian all along. A heterosexual woman will remain straight regardless of the situation and just go through the broken-hearted routine. Remember, a broken heart does not cause a shift in sexuality.

To Save a Life

What do you say or do when someone else’s life is in your hands?  You never know when you may be the person that is called to save a life.  I can honestly say I had to face this challenge more than once.  About a year ago, I was a therapist over a children’s psychiatric unit.  The children ranged in age from 3 to 12 years of age.  What I quickly came to realize was how deep children really are.  I had a handful of depressed and suicidal kids to treat and only a week or two to make a difference. In a session, I asked this 10 year old girl what she wanted to be when she grew up and she responded, ” dead”.  She then showed me her arms where she had cut herself and disclosed how she had made various attempts over the years.  We had intense sessions that sometimes included her family and she left wanting to live.  There was another 11 year old girl who had faced so many hardships she did not want to go on.  I got a chance to work with her for two weeks and before she left she wrote me a letter thanking me for saving her life.  She told me that I was like a second mother to her and that she wanted to live and be something.  I was deeply moved and knew GOD worked through me to save those lives and many others. We have our individual purpose as well as our duty to mankind, thus you never know what God may send you to do.

A Suprise in the Frig

Most of the times, my patients at the psyc hospital made more sense and were more logical than some of my coworkers.  I was working at my lovely refurbished cubicle when one of my cool coworkers came up to me and asked me to come with her. She said she found something in the staff frig upstairs.  I told her, “get one of the other girls to go, I’m trying to finish something up”.  She grabbed two of our other friends and went upstairs. A few moments later, they came over the intercom and beckoned the human resource lady to come to the staff kitchen.  They eventually came down stairs and to my desk. They had stunned looks on their faces and told me I would not believe it.  I stopped working and was like, ” what is wrong?” They informed me that they found a used condom ” with filling” next to the ice in a zip lock bag.  I said,” what! is this some kind of makeshift fertility clinic? Gross!” The bag was removed but not from our minds.  We were all banded from the staff kitchen and they never found the culprit eventhough a DNA test was suggested. True Story!

The Unannounced Passenger

 One day I was headed to work and minding my own business.  I got onto the freeway and was beginning to accelerate my speed.  My hair was blowing in the wind and I had my shades on looking fierce when all of the sudden, my shades suddenly got a large brown spot on them.  At the same time, I could feel something on part of my face so I shook my hair and flung the shades to the passenger seat.  Out of my peripheral vision I noticed the largest brown roach on my lap.  I began screaming and took my hands off the wheel.  This bug was freakin’ huge and had the longest disgusting antennas.  I then realized that I was veering out of my lane and onto the shoulders.  Without thought, I was reaching for my door and came to a grinding halt as I approached the shoulders.  I was hysterical and have a fear of large bugs.  I was freaking out on the shoulder of the highway doing the bug be gone dance when a man pulled over and asked me if I was alright.  I told him what happened and he did a thorough search for the bug.  A cop pulled up a few moments later and it dawned on me that my inspection sticker was out.  I was trembling and he asked me if I was ok to drive. I told him yes and wiped the tears and left the scene before he noticed the sticker.  The bug made two more appearances so I fogged my car and placed boric acid on floor board.  My sister borrowed my car a few months later and as she pulled into the parking lot at her job she saw it.  My sister told me that she rolled the windows down and quickly fled from the car.  To this day, I wonder if it crawled out or if we will be reunited…

The House on Oakmont

One day my daughter, my friend and I were driving around in a nice neighborhood with large beautiful homes.  We were oohing and awing at the houses until we came to one.  This house was peculiar so we decided to pull into the unpaved driveway to take a closer look.  It was a large, white, two story house with a guest house attached through an open archway.  The edges of the house were covered in what appeared to be black ashes. The grass was at least two feet tall and we noticed that the vines had grown only over the windows and doors.  Without a single word, we got out of the car and began to look around.  I remember walking up to the window with the least vines and gazed in.  It was like any other house until I got the feeling that someone was staring back at me.  I got a chill and stepped back.  You know the feeling you get when you know someone is looking at you before you even turn your head and catch their eyes on you? As I stood there, I got a tingling sensation that started at the center of my chest and moved up to the top of my head.  I asked my friend if she was ready to go and she said yes quite abruptly.  We got to the car with a quickness and once we were all in, I said,” I don’t know about yall but, I got this strange feeling”.  My friend said, “girl me too” and she pulled out of the drive so fast that it scrapped the bottom of her car.  My daughter said, “That house is haunted”.  Me and my friend look back at her and did not say a word.  I became really intrigued by this house so I told my boyfriend at the time about it and he and I went back the next day.  He was not scary cat like me.  So this time, I had him park on the street in front of the house.  He walked around and went under the archway and through to the back of the house.   A few minutes past when I noticed him walking back rapidly.  The car door opened and he said, “Oh, yes, that house is haunted.” The car was started in record time and we were off.  What he told me was that the door in the back slowly opened on its own. He did not wait long enough to experience anymore.  I called the agent selling the property and she said the house does not stay occupied for more than a year. So whenever I was in the neighborhood, I would drive by and notice a new car parked in the drive and a few months later, I would see a for sale sign reposted. I went to the house a few months ago and noticed it was no longer for sale.  All of the windows and doors were boarded up and the windows were broken out from the inside. Glass was scattered along the grounds.  The guest house only had a set of bars covering it thus I was able to look in.  At the bottom of the wooden stairs, was a white chalk drawing of a ghost with a frown and crying.  Who could have drawn it?

Superstitions

My parents are from the deep South thus, they were into home remedies and superstitions.  We may have gone to a doctor’s appointment once every ten years.  It is a good thing we were healthy.  We were nervous wrecks growing up but, thank God, I have outgrown those things…Enclosed is my top 13 superstitions that were inculcated on our minds and they are as follow;

 

Do not point at a grave or else, you will have to bite the tip of the finger you pointed with.

 

Do not cut your hair on a night with a full moon or else, it will not grow.

 

Do not allow anyone to take pictures of you or else, they will have a part of your soul.

We were not allowed to take school pics very often.

 

Do not speak of your bad dreams before the daylight or else, they will manifest.

 

Do not throw your hair away unless you wrap it in tissue or burn it.

 

Do not look into a mirror while it is storming or your soul will be captured in it.  This scared the crap out of us!

 

Do not open an umbrella in a house or, a building or else, bad luck will follow.

 

Do not sweep a person’s feet or else it will give you bad luck.

 

Do not step over a broom or, person and if you do, you will have to step backwards beginning with the foot you stepped with last.

 

Do not dare walk around with one sock and or shoe on because it will bring bad luck.

 

Women who are on their cycle should never touch a pregnant woman or, hold a newborn baby because it will irritate them.

 

There is no whistling in the house or else bad luck will follow.

 

And of course,  my sister and I have 21 years of bad luck for the mirrors that were broken when we were children. 

 

LOL, this was rubbish and OCD!

Running for your Life Again

Ok, it seems that my sister and I attracted cantankerous dogs that wanted to chase us.  This time and a few years later, we were in Mississippi visiting our relatives.  My sister was in the 6^th grade and I was in the ninth.  Our cousin came over to grandma Madea’s house and asked if we wanted to go bike riding.  Our boy cousins had a few bikes for the pickin’. There were two ten speed bikes that were high up off the ground and one smaller boy’s sports bike.  I somehow ended up with the smaller one but, rode it as if were a ten speed.  We had such a wonderful time and rode through the small town of Shaw.  We were gone for hours and crossed bayous and the like.  It was getting late and we had to head home before it became dark.  We turned onto the street where Madea’s house was when my cousin notified us that we have to ride really fast past the next house because of this dog likes to chase and bite people.  It was a disgruntle chow. There was no sign of the chow when we stopped at the end of the street but, my sister and I decided to stop and check things out as a result of our last experience.  My cousin took off first and successfully passed the house.  My sister quickly followed when the bog entered onto the scene.  It attempted to chase her but her speed was too fast for it. It was pissed and began to head towards me barking and slobbering uncontrollably. There I was… the only one left.  My bike was the closest to the ground and I wore flip flops that day.  My family was shouting at me to come on but, I was quite reticent.  I wanted to cry but, wanted the situation to be alleviated. I peddled like there was not tomorrow.  My legs were moving so fast, they began to sting. Much to my dismay, just as I was passing the dog, my chain broke.  Its sharp teeth grew near and I threw the bike to the ground and took off running.  I have never run so hard in my life.  I ran straight out of my flip flops and the hot cement road burned into my now bare feet.  I made it but, the bike and my flip flops didn’t.

Run for your Life

Remember when you were a kid and the school turned you into a door to door salesman at least twice a year?  Well, my sister and I had to sell some stuff and got our friend from across the street to accompany us.  We were all pumped up. If we sole enough candy, we were eligible for the grand prize; which was something you could purchase from a store.  We decided to start with our neighbors’ house.  They had 3 kids our age and we thought they could beg their parents to order some candy from us.  We walked up to the door and rang the bell.  As we waited for an answer we could peered through their glass door.  We waited patiently when all of the sudden, their male collie came charging up to the glass and began snarling and barking angrily at us.  Panic overcame us but not completely because the glass door was between us and the dog’s teeth.  All of a sudden, that angry beast jumped up and placed it paws on the handle and it gave way.  No longer were we a threesome, it was every young girl for herself.  The dog picked up speed and was getting ready to bite.  I saw my parents’ car and the window facing me was rolled down. Literally, I was airborne and dived through it and landed both on the driver and passenger seats.  My heart was pounding but, I peaked up to check on my sister and got a glimpse of her feet heading to hood of the car. Moments later, I heard her on the hood. We were so quite and overheard the neighbors’ kids getting their dog.  They placed him inside and I got out of the car as my sister came down from the hood. We asked one another, “Where is Jackie?”.  We looked across the street at her house and saw her head peaking out from behind her front door.  We did not laugh about it that day but, did shortly thereafter…

The Scariest Day of my Life

Car wrecks are so awful right? They can haunt you regardless of the time that’s lapsed.  Five years ago, my daughter and I were in an awful wreck. I was taking her to school one morning when it happened.  We had just been given our arrow to turn so I proceeded.  Out of no where, there was a loud “boom”. My car begin to spin around.  Seconds later, my car filled up with smoke and I could smell something burning.  My daughter began to cry and said,” Mommy, I don’t wanna die” After that statement, everything happened in slow motion.  I looked over terrified face and Never felt more helpless. The smoke gave way to a grim scene.  We were heading over the large medium and into oncoming morning traffic.  Cars were speeding towards us and my car was uncontrollable. Both hands were gripping the wheel and I began shouting,” No! No! God not like this!” The closest car hit us head on and another car hit us from the side.  The hit from the side turned my car with the flow of traffic. My daughter and I were all over that intersection but, God saved us and allowed me to get the car under control.  As I regained control,, I was able to steer it into a turning lane right by a medium.  My entire body began to shake and I looked at my hands and noticed a small cut.  I looked at the windshield and it was completely cracked. I was too shocked to cry.  I got out of my car and looked behind me; it looked like a scene from a movie.  There was a car that had run into a poll and cars were stopped on the side of the road.  There were onlookers and ambulances on the scene.  I thought to myself,” Did I cause all of that?”  I made my way to my daughter’s side of the car and then slowed down.  Her door was the Only thing not hit. Everything else on her side was severely banged up.  I got her out of the car to console her and told her we had to get out the street. We came to the front of the car to and it was pretty much nonexistent.  I could not believe it. People came up to us and could not believe what they witnessed.  Later, I found out we were hit by a dude who ran the light while reaching for his cell phone.  Not only did he hit me, he got the person behind me and ultimately caused the disastrous chain reaction.  The only thing worse, was that I remembered that I forgot to pay my car insurance the day before. It was a good thing that it was his fault.

Quack Quack

My favorite apartment was one that overlooked a manmade lake.  All of my windows faced this lake and you could look out and see the park and all of the ducks waddling to and fro.  The ducks were cool but, from time to time became confrontational. They loved to take strolls right in front of the cars that were entering and exiting the property.  One morning, my daughter and I were headed off to our respective places when we noticed two big ducks blocking our path.  So I stepped on the gas…just kidding!  I stopped my car in the drive and the ducks just looked at us.  I began to talk to them and asked them to please move because we were running late. They showed some interest in what I had to say and decided to come up to my car window to continue the discussion.  The ducks responded in its form of communication then allowed me to speak.  It was the strangest thing.  My daughter thought it was the coolest thing that the ducks and I went back and forth in dialogue.  They moved out of my way and we were off.